hey diddle diddle…the cat and the fiddle

i am here at my sis’s house… getting a lil get together (thank God she has Smart Bro) so i am able to write this blog (before i get really really dizzy later on.

my heart is broken… and… i feel really sad for everything. some people might not see that but that’s just the way i feel right now. I never really tried drinking and everything and also i’ve quit smoking 2 years ago and now i wanna try it all over again.

talking a lot of crap is the way to ease everything.

Red is somewhere at the kitchen i guess preparing for this what they call “pulutan” or whatever. Sorry but this is my first time to like REALLY DRINK. i wanna try how it feels to be drunk and all.. like..its also an experiment like.. if its really true that what you are doing when you’re drunk will be forgotten the next day v!

well, they’ve got a lot of drinks here actually… and im quite nervous with eveything. like, what if i’ll embarrass myself? or what if i can’t get home?

scary i know.

well, i don’t really know but i really really feel so low today. i feel really sad with eveything and i don’t know what to do. i just want to forget everything. well, if she likes him… then its her chance to have him. he’s not mine anymore. shit man i feel like crying again.

why does my bestfriend have to be involved with all of this? he’s been such a perfect friend. i couldn’t ask for more..i couldn’t ask for a better friend than him and why does “he” have to get jealoused with him?

im so broken right now. really. i could not concentrate and i have an exam tomorrow. i wanna hear his voice but i don’t think its still possible. he is not mine anymore and i think he also found somebody else now. well, im not like that. it really takes time for me to actually recover with everything. like, i wanna share something about Chad before. We only got together for 5 months… yet.. it took me 2 years before i finally said “i got over you”. its.. its just that.. i loved him that much before.. and he was my first love. and now, for me.. i think it really depends on the person you are with… like with Justine.. i know we’ve been together for almost 4 years and with everything,  i was able to move on within a month… like.. its.. i didn’t feel anything for him.. and now this.. i don’t know.. he’s like Chad. this feeling… i know i’ve felt this way before.. with Chad. and i know i can’t get it out sooner or later. i know its gonna take me long before i could finally say i have moved on…

holy crap!

my eyes are actually reddish.. i basically look like an addict. and now.. i don’t wanna cry anymore…not infront of everyone here. well, although i’ve cried infront of Red i don’t want that to happen again. right now, i’m actually listening to My sister and his ex’s theme song entitled NOTHING’S GONNA STOP US NOW by STARSHIP.

i couldn’t really imagine how my sister moved on with her ex Regie. i mean, they’ve been together for 2 years and then i was in gradeschool back then. i used to sneak in her room during weekends to read her diaries (she inspired me to write diaries and blogs). and i’ve read that “Regie is my life..”. well, she really loved him. like, they were both Sillimanians (Regie is now an ecologist in Canada with 3 kids). my sister was so brave to move on.. i know it had hurt her so much like, to find out that all along Regie was cheating on her and she didn’t wanna believe her friends though they’ve warned her about it.. and yes, she found it out for herself. kinda brutal to the heart though.

she burned everything that reminded her of Regie. like his CDs, his jackets, even her beloved paintings. if i was there that day i would have asked for her paintings and put it in my wall…

she went to Thailand after that. She met with some of her friends there and basically she just went there to mend her broken heart. i really love my sister and im happy that she’s in the good hands of her husband Kuya JOmz, the Cabalista! hehehe.. we both like Cabal though and yeah yun nga level 150 na sya ako 132 parin.. eheheh..

and as for me.. im still here. and i don’t know what to do to move on. im really hurt..seriously. shit im really crying na. wala na..di ko na tlaga kaya to. i have to stop here.